Intimacy and sex
Irene Oestrich, psychologist
If you are suffering from depression, you may often also experience sexual problems. These problems could be
- reduced interest in sex and reduced libido
- reduced ability to retain sexual arousal (applies to both erections and orgasms)
- early or delayed ejaculation
- menstrual problems
- low self-esteem and the thought of not being good enough
Interest in sex
Two-thirds of all people who are suffering from depression have a reduced interest in sex. However, your libido may also increase. When you are unhappy, you may feel the need for more comfort and acceptance. Perhaps you are desperate for satisfaction which is impossible to achieve. You may also be desperate for reassurance that you are good enough.
If you are experiencing sexual problems, they may also be the result of sexual side-effects linked to antidepressants. Most sexual side-effects will pass.
Professional help for sexual problems
You may also find that your sexual problems only arise when the medicine has improved your mood. When you start to feel better, you will again start to have the desire and energy for a sex life, but you may experience sexual difficulties that you have not experienced before. You may need professional help to get over them.
Medicines can affect your sexual arousal, your erection or lubrication (ability to become moist), sexual satisfaction, orgasms and/or ejaculation. Some of these changes can also be due to the illness itself. It is difficult to distinguish between the two.
You have a number of options open to you if your medicine causes you to experience sexual side-effects. Talk to the doctor or psychiatrist who is prescribing your medicine. If the illness permits, you could perhaps reduce your medicine or you could have short breaks between taking the medicine. You may also be able to get medication to counter the side-effects.
Psychological help
You can get psychological help to change your sexual habits. If you are experiencing sexual problems, you could learn to compensate for any negative effect on your sexual function.
If for example you find it difficult to get an erection, you could learn how to increase your sexual stimulation. You could for example use pornographic magazines or videos to do this. Or you could try new positions where intercourse is possible even if you are finding it difficult to get an erection.
If you suffer from low self-esteem, you may have thoughts of not being attractive, not being interesting, not being beautiful or handsome or of your partner being better off with someone else or preferring someone else to you. These are all symptoms and have nothing to do with reality.
However, if you act on your negative thoughts, you may become disinterested in making something out of yourself and making yourself attractive in terms of both your appearance and your behaviour. This has nothing to do with satisfaction or vanity. Making yourself attractive is a labour of love. You can build up your own self-esteem by working on your good characteristics and your sexual skills.
Many people decide to seek therapeutic help for relationship problems. Therapists prefer to work with both partners in a relationship because it is difficult to change sexual habits and preferences.